Dr. Deborah Ledley Licensed Psychologist
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The Mind-Reading Mom

6/28/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
I have been an empty nester for about 80 hours, or so.  I have sent my kids off, for the first time, to overnight camp.  The first day and evening were rough (for me).  The house felt incredibly quiet (isn't this what I am always wishing for?!!!!) and I just felt like I had forgotten them somewhere.  But, I am settling in to the different routine as the days go by.

However, I am finding one part of overnight camp challenging.  Can we talk about camp pictures?

Our camp, and many others these days, post pictures and videos throughout the day.  They post them on Facebook, Instagram, on the camp blogs.  At the end of the day, you can log on to the camp website and scroll through hundreds of pictures, trying to lay eyes on your precious progeny.  I feel like Sherlock Holmes.  Is that her ponytail?  No, those aren't her shoes.  Is that him playing basketball?  No, too tall.

When I do spot the kids, I become a mind-reading mom.  

If they look happy, I am thrilled.  Wow, they are having fun.  They love camp.  They are going to want to go back for 11 summers like I did.  Awesome!

But, in some pictures, they aren't smiling.  Some pictures are of kids from their bunks, but my kids aren't there.  Are they okay?  Do they feel sick?  Are they refusing to participate in some life-enhancing activity?  What's going on???

This is when being a cognitive-behavioral therapist can really help.  We teach our clients all the time that people cannot read minds.  Even our own children's minds.  Particularly from a photo!  If our kids are not smiling in a photo, it can mean lots of different things.  They could be unaware that their photo is being taken.  They could be concentrating or thinking.  And, they could even be having a moment when they are not blissfully happy.  

Which leads us to the next lesson....

In CBT, we teach our clients that all emotion is okay.  No one is happy every minute of every day.  There will be moments that the kids feel sick, or homesick, or tired, or bored (hard to imagine, but....) and these moments will be balanced with giggles, adventure, and fun.  This is normal!

I am also learning to sit with the discomfort of not knowing, another lesson I teach my clients.  We have not received any letters yet from the kids, so we really don't know how they are doing.  That is uncomfortable after having been with these little people every day (with a few exceptions) since they were born.  On the flip-side, it is a great experience for kids to have to navigate some bumps in the road themselves.  Since we don't know, we can't jump to assistance, meaning they have to rely on themselves and be open to relying on others around them.  This is a super life skill, and maybe one that is hard to teach when they are at home, day in and day out!

​Please share your thoughts if your kids are away at camp!!!




2 Comments
Steph
6/28/2016 04:54:12 pm

Thank you for sharing your feelings. It's so refreshing to know that practitioners go through the same types of "turmoil" the rest of us experience. Have you asked your parents how they dealt with it when you and your big sis were away at that camp in Haliburton so many years ago? I suppose it was easier back then, pre-digital cameras and social media. But I'm sure they still had concerns. My husband just dropped our oldest off at camp a few hours ago, and I still have one at home, so I'm a bit behind you. I'm looking forward to seeing how others respond. Enjoy your quiet time. And as a magnet my son just bought says, "Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere." The same goes for trying to be a mind reader! 😉

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Deborah Ledley link
6/28/2016 05:06:12 pm

Thanks for your comment, Steph! Nothing like old camp friends!!!! I did speak to my parents about this, and would love to hear what yours say too. My sense is that they had a bit more of an "out of sight, out of mind" experience when it came to camp. They assumed we were fine unless they heard otherwise. My mom pointed out that in my 11 years at overnight camp, she never got a phone call about anything, good or bad! She thinks knowing too much isn't such a good thing. If there is something to worry about, we will hear.

Incidentally, the magnet you refer to is one of my favorite quotes -- I have it in a frame on the wall of my office :)

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    Dr. Ledley

    I am a licensed psychologist working with kids, teens, and adults with anxiety disorders.  

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  • Blog
  • Dr. Ledley's Practice
    • First Step - New Patient Requests
    • Next Steps
    • Telehealth Tips & Office Policies
    • Telehealth
    • Consultation/Supervision
    • About Anxiety Disorders
    • Helpful Resources
  • About Dr. Ledley
  • Books
  • In the News
    • In the News about COVID-19