Adjusting to College

​​I love working with kids during their Senior Year in high school.  It is a time of so much potential stress, and a time when cognitive-behavioral therapy can be SO beneficial.  Each year, I feel an internal burst of happiness when I have finally helped to navigate each of my Seniors through the craziness of the college application process, the agony of choosing a school, and the preparations for leaving home (sometimes for the very first time).  

And then they arrive.  

And, it is not all that it has been chocked up to be.  All that WANTING.  All that STRIVING.  And kids find themselves in a squishy dorm room, with a not-so-nice roommate, on a floor of loud and immature fellow freshman.  Oh, and we didn't mention school.  Even kids who went to the most rigorous high schools tend to be surprised by the expectations of college professors and the absence of the grade inflation they were so used to.  

Here are some tips for College Freshman as they adjust to their new "home":

-Have reasonable expectations: Too often, we send kids to college telling them it was "the best time of our lives."  We forget what those first few weeks or months were like.  Everything, absolutely everything, is new.  Where are my classes?  Who can I eat with?  What do these professors expect?  Who am I going to be friends with?  How often should I call home?  How do I do my laundry?  What do I do with spare time during the day?  It will take at least a semester to feel settled an comfortable at your new school.  This is TOTALLY NORMAL!

-Find like-minded friends: We all know people who became best friends for life with their freshman year roommate.  Or who met their future spouse standing in line registering for classes on their first day of school.  Most of us, however, spent our first few weeks (or months) of college feeling quite lonely.  As anyone who knows me know, I am a huge fan of Frank Bruni and he has written so eloquently about loneliness in college students in this week's www.nytimes.com/2017/09/02/opinion/sunday/college-freshman-mental-health.html NYTimes.  The key to college happiness, in my opinion, is to find like-minded friends.  Where can you do this?  Class is a good place to start - introduce yourself to people sitting next to you.  Extra-curricular activities are even better.  Do you love playing soccer?  Join an intramural soccer team.  Do you enjoy writing?  Go and check out the school newspaper.  And, if you are a person who doesn't enjoy drinking and partying, don't fear.  There are lots of people just like you.  You just need to find them.  There are kids at college who do like to play board games, watch movies, go explore cities, and other cool stuff like that on Saturday nights.  

-Be mindful of reliance on your parents and friends from home: It is reasonable to call or text your parents or friends from home when you are feeling sad, lonely, or anxious during your first few weeks of college.  But, as the weeks go by, consider relying on a new college friend.  If you are stressed about a test, consider texting a new friend and telling him or her.  This is a great way to build a friendship.  It is likely that friends are feeling the same way, and just waiting for someone to share so that they feel comfortable sharing!  College will become a more comfortable place when you have people right there, in person, to rely on.  

-Schedule your day:  A lot of college freshman feel stressed by the free time they have in their days.  Kids are used to going non-stop morning till night in high school and if they have only one class on a Tuesday/Thursday in college, this is the day that anxiety and homesickness tend to hit.  Try scheduling your day.  Put in some regular exercise (a group class at the school gym is good for anxiety and your mood and a good way to make friends).  Set aside some time for laundry and chores.  Schedule in some library time to get work done.  Make a lunch plan with a new friend.  The key is to stay active rather than letting the anxiety and sadness take over and crawling into bed with Netflix.  

-Don't forget the basics:  It can be really hard to sleep in a dorm room.  But, sleep is so important - the less sleep we get, the more anxious and depressed we feel and the less well we do in school.  It is totally okay to go to bed at a reasonable hour in college.  You can use earplugs to block out the noise and discuss some ground rules with your roommates for times that lights should be out and guests should no longer visit.  Eating is also very important.  Low blood sugar can mimic the feelings of anxiety and can make it hard to focus.  Even if you don't feel hungry, make sure to eat three healthy meals a day.  Eating alone can be very anxiety-provoking.  Ideally, try to plan meeting up with new friends for meals.  But, if you do find yourself eating alone, bring something to read and enjoy this "down-time."  As with most things, the more you do it, the easier it will get!